10-Q

For a president who has a whim to move holidays (not that we complain, I'm sure we don't as it stretches our well-deserved break) I wonder why she doesn't declare a thanksgiving holiday? Refresh me please...We don't have that, nor officially celebrate that, do we? I hear you folks, with the state we're in what is there to thank for? And I can hear some being so sick and tired of foreign influence (well, what is uniquely ours anyway?) good point readers. Of course each of us has something to thank God for. But we don't necessarily need a declared holiday to do that. Fine...Suffice it to say that any moment is just about a good time to say thank you to those who we ought to thank for whatever reason.

Apparently, Thanksgiving is a major holiday here, which (as I've written before) only reminds me of Bonifacio Day because of the closeness of the day these totally different holidays are celebrated. So pardon me if I downplayed it, although I must say I had a grand time. What with overflowing margarita (that did not intoxicate me at all), thanks to my sponsor =)

And then.....see the news on those stampede for the sale? At least I don't remember that happening in the Phil. Or has it? I like to buy items on sale like most people do, but I won't go into so much trouble like that! Jeez, is it really worth it? Thanks, but no thanks. People, you are being duped! Talk about capitalism kicking arse again! Ok, i'll shut up now, but at least see this article, (just one of the related articles I've read). I share this guy's sentiments.

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By the way, one of my blog entries is missing. An entry on ironies and contradictions I entitled "flipping the coin". It's actually reposted as it is, and I no longer have a copy. Arggghhh!!! Oh well...

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For once I appreciate Johnny Depp. He was bloody funny in Pirates of the Carribean!!! Fave quote in the movie: Dishonest people you could always expect to be dishonest, honestly. I understand JD's a fine actor. I've seen a lot of his movies (Edward S., Sleepy Hollow, Once Upon A Time in Mexico, etc.). It's just that I'm not crazy about him. But when I saw that movie (on black friday instead of rubbing elbows with shoppers-gone-berseck), ah, swell. He's so cool, the swagger and all that, well, I was so entertained. 10-Q Johnny.

giddy, giddy me

for the record, 11/21/05 is the happiest i've ever been since i got here in the US of A. all thanks to U2. superb concert. as in bongga galore. and i'm still sooooo giddy....

alone again, naturally

went home early today. too damn cold. the temp suddenly dropped to 30s. wasn't like this yest. then i decided to do my laundry that's been sitting there for weeks, instead of going thru my usual reading session. and talk about being alone. gaadddd, it was so quiet at the laundromat. i was the lone customer. i had all the washers and dryers all to myself, obviously. with soooo much vacancies, i dried my 6 pairs of jeans by their lonesome too. one pair per dryer. aliw! that's why i love doing it on weekdays, walang kalaban. hmmm...it's not so bad being alone. you have all the time in the world. you don't have to adjust to others. you don't wait for no one, and nobody waits for you. swell...it could have been double swell if josh hartnett appears, just like he does in the '40 days and 40 nights' movie. then it's not so bad being with company...

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you're wanted: spirit quest

the only person i ever want to encounter is nowhere to be found. where on earth are you? well, understandable. you used to tell me that people who keep journal are disturbed, or pschologically imbalanced. Normal people just don't keep journals, you argued. Jeez, how i like to gloat (if only you're around). I mean, who'd ever thought blogging would hit its peak? That people go public with their thoughts or that most likely 8 out of 10 have their respective blogs, is akin to changing undies everyday.

with or without you, blogging goes on. i'm selling the drama you know. if you're reading this, swell. that means you're just in denial, but you're connected just the same. and you'll know i'm referring to you, and you'll concede (silently) that i'm right but you're too stubborn and arrogant to admit it. i miss you, we make arguing so meaningful and fun.....

underwears and hairdos

currently listening to: got you where i want to (fly)
currently feeling: relieved and political

i was ever complaining of how i don't fancy tekkie stuff. i was doing back-ups at work and i'm just so annoyed that it keeps on sending me report that "back up could not be completed". and just earlier, you can see me whinning about the bloody script errors i've been encountering since friday. because i don't like to encounter any technical difficulties as i blog or surf on-line, and because i WOULD'T accept that it's blued that has got a problem, i stopped reading and decided to deal with the inconvenience. hah! it isn't so bad after all. a little poke here and there, and here i am rambling like crazy, as usual. it feels nice to conquer your weakness(es).

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let me tell you. it isn't always comfortable being an "immobile satellite" nor to inhabit the outer/peripheral world despite the solemnity and quietness it offers. and it's nice to be able to listen to a familiar sound (read: local radio station, now thanks to all these tech innovations); comforting even, makes me feel connected to the world. we do come out once in a while (usually at night har!har!).

but gaaddd, see what i found in the news. we're haunted by lola concha again? (read: old issue of constitutional change) Sen. Miriam Santiago, funnily puts it this way:

We change our presidents the way we change our underwear and then we change our Constitution the way we change our hairdos.

The proposal reeks of accommodation somewhere. Precisely how much more money are we going to spend again? Not just on the actual process of "changing our underwear and redoing our hair" but at the very least, during the debates on whether we're actually doing it by con-ass or concon. Add to this, imagine the time it lands on the order of business at HOR 'til something gets decided upon; considering that everybody has the penchant to say something; and considering that the Senate wouldn't stay put for sure since they'll be booted out.

Let's just go basic: in the reps' lounge area for instance, go ask how much they allot now for food alone, of our honorable representatives and their guests. Why do they have to, knowing its been pointed out repeatedly that congressional sessions are always plagued by quorum problems. I mean, they usually "hang-out" there you see, during session hours! (yeah fine, they'd be counted as present anyway, even if they don't actually listen nor take part with th debate). ok, give them a break. like school children, they probably need supplement and recess food. why don't we just serve them with the likes of dorm foods, where you get a meal stub that they can't claim anymore after 3pm perhaps? (since session starts at 4, an hour should give them ample time to chummy chummy with their friendsters) and so they can't complain of hunger (at the very least) before coming in to the session hall, and also, so that they could concentrate on the floor deliberations. just an aside, i recall several instances when the speaker orders the legis guards to close session hall entrances/exits, and compel the honorables to keep their arses on their seat (to get quorum so they could cast a vote on something). it's soooo funny, it's like disciplining kindergartens you know? (lol), get the idea? so yeah, how long would it take them to decide? given that they have other bills to tackle, plus their budget delibs, committee meetings, and social meetings of course (they're also humans and tehy ahve a life too) etc. Geez, they'll be off-track and cram like most of us. ah so typical...anyway, maybe spirit can talk about that later. (to the tune of "remember when...").

What am I thinking? Here:

1. if we're so bent on being hygenic and presentable, it surely costs A LOT. and we only have so much. no wonder, if we prioritize it (therefore getting the bigger slice in our budget pie now), obviously the slice for our basic necessities shrinks. in the same way that some aspects of our existence suffer because of our preoccupation on it.
2. if we think we're ugly, we probably are. but it surely takes more than changing our undies and getting our hairdos redone for us to transform into a beautiful swan. Underwears get worn out, and no amount of styling can hide a bad/deely damaged hair to begin with. We might as well try extreme measures, while we're at it. The kind that gets to the roots. With matching vitamin E supplements to ensure full recovery, and healthier hair. Or consider trimming, no, cutting the damaged parts, the hell with being bald, if that's what it takes.
3. do we honestly believe we'll be better-looking after cosmetic surgery and all that? Until when do you think it will keep us presentable, I wonder?

By the way, we already have the local government code! we already established a workable system of representation. we even have party lists and all that. "imperial manila" my arse! damnation, already, governors are like little presidents, with their respective mini-cabinets and IRAs. we elect our respective representatives. Some of them, i tell you are smooth operators, they're so sleek with budget insertions. so it's not as if the local gov't units are totally soooo hopeless. don't get me wrong, i'm neither a defender of presidential or parliamentary or what have you system of gov't. nor a critic of them. My point is, why blame the "institution" (ok institutional set-up if you please)? damnation, what of human agency? people make up this institution, and govern this institution. that's why i'm never too crazy with institutionalism.

I actually don't mind independence and autonomy of LGUs. I tell you my deepest secret (as a graduate of public admin and a student of politics): I have a dream of making my province an independent nation, swell!!!! It, being an island and rich in human and natural resources and all, with our very own indigenous and culture loving people...ah swell...but you see, i respect authority and would not launch into some kind of basque separatism moves. But as far as this topic is concerned, my greatest fear is this: in the same manner that development (hopefully) may come out of switching into federalism if ever, it is very much possible that the malady might trickle down to the bottom, reaching the grassroots level, further undermining our gravely wounded and barely struggling government system. ah that would be sooo sadddd...

bloody script errors: what on earth?

I'm logged on to a different PC and spirit is working! damnation, i have to reconcile why i could write, but what i've written wouldn't show whenever i use awaw. why i keep seeing "error on page", and why i couldn't use the post editor (i.e., link page not loading, no bold or italics or change of font colors for me--as i have whinned in my other site that i have temporarily resorted to. lurpee, if your reading this, have you got any clue? mayhaps you could ask hubby kris? is it because of my poor wi-fi connection that some things wouldn't download or display correctly? free-rider arse that i am. the poor signal warning doesn't deter me at all har! har! but then again, i used to be able to write. not that i've got grand things to say anyway. it's just unacceptable to me that i'm having technical problems.......argghhhh.......

asian connection and other nonsense

listening to: sunshower (chris cornell)
current mood: feeling korean (whatever that means)
(this is what i don't like about blogspot, they don't have these options unlike in tabulas; well not that it's important but if i wanna look back and ask why the heck am i talking about this at least i could remember the stimulus or something. argghhh....what a mouthful of explanation for a starter!)

had dinner in a korean resto (the shabu-shabu was superb with all these rains and all), been frequenting korean bars in 32ndish area har!har! been dealing with korean clients, hmmm...probably a factor why people mistake me for a korean for all my big eyes, fatness, kayumangging kaligatan and all that. not that i mind. koreans are nice and they are good-looking people (i just wish i am). look at him for instance:


ah..the korean ex-boyfriend... isn't he pleasant to look at, with all his pouting and all (sigh...) i mean, give the guy a break, you're arguing and he finds himself being photographed? (lol)

when i was a kid my aunts and uncles called me jap and/or hapon. freaky, my eyes must've developed fully well as i grow older? anyway, i'm looking at these forwarded/shared photo albums and it jsut strike me that my nephews are all chinky-eyed, one of them looks like a fake jap or maybe korean or something: (you tell me)

(L->R: gabby, the youngest, i think he's 2 or turning two he was still a baby when i left; kim (now that's definitely korean name lol), i think he's 5. they say he looks like me (unlucky child he is, who's also my godson) and lastly the eldest, ken (oh so gay, but he isn't lol). i think he's 7 now. ken and kim are brothers and gabby is their cuz, therefore he's the son of my other sis, the one who's mistaken for a chinese naman. ah, i miss these creatures, i'm taking my sweet time to talk about them.

anyway, i'm getting old. i can feel the forces of nature sucking the youth in me har!har! maybe i should really buy moisturizer or lotion or whatever. i should get a lesson from kim, jeez hes like "tita aymi please send me some lotion and body wash and moisturizer, like those of mama's. i think they're VS." gaaaddd, i asked him "are you gay? i don't even use those!" i mean, i'm here where they sell VS like likas papaya soap in the phil. To which he replied, "is papa gay? is tito buboy gay, i saw them using those too. you see tita aymi, i want to have a smooth skin because i don't like to look like my classmate with rashes." Syet, if i were home this kid is going to get some perla instead.

i'm not crazy over these beauty products. Perhaps I would have wanted too (i like M & S which they don't have here) but my dad gave me a good grounding by saying "you won't get any better (looking) so don't bother." how apt! My sis gave me some lip balms and lip glosses "'cause it's too cold there," she said and i still have those. back home, i never use lotion, or moisturizer or eskinol whatever. geez with all the dirt in manila why bother applying lotion and all that beauty echus? i mean, magnet for more dirt is what i'm saying. but dammit, they have changing seasons here which i keep on forgetting. they keep telling me i ought to bother, not for beauty's sake (after all my father opened my eyes to reality) but for proper caring of your skin given the weather. yeah, i should've listened so i won't complain of ultra dry skin. Old habits die hard. even last summer, no sunblock sunblock for me. been to the beach without it. for years i'd snorkel in PG without it, and swim in aguada and paraiso whole day and end up like a toasted shrimp and i'm still alive. hmmm...true, i'm in a different continent. the hole in the ozone layer might be directly above me here for all i know. oh well, not that i'm not prepared mind you. if i die here i already told vin to have me cremated and put me (or my ashes) in a ziplock and deliver me to my mom so i could be used as fertilizer for her orchids in our backyard. jeez, they'd love me and surely they'd blossom with all my nutrients (lol).

yeah, going back to my aging process, when i look at my pics, langya, i'd absolutely beat sharon cuneta in eyebugs competition. move over ate shawie (har! har!). and my hair, gaaaddd, like 1M strands are falling every morning when i shower, much more if i comb it. then my toes froze the other day. i went out midnight to get some latte in flip-flops as in gomang tsinelas. langya, ala na pala ako sa manda. sheer stupidity is all. and then later on my arse was also freezing and my back was aching (the likes that salompas ba yun wouldn't cure). i was in a first trimester fetal positon all night coz i left my windows open and it's too darn cold and i didn't wanna get up to close them not because of too much lazybone i've got but because i simply didn't want to close them that's why i left them open in the first palce. so i think i have arthritis or whatever (i'd love a masage or spa). i know, i know... bawal magkasakit ano ako mayaman? what is this commercial again? it's part of the quiz that i wasn't able to answer. it's at the tip of my brain...this has been spoofed by michael v and co in bubble gang. but well, can't help if i do. oh i ate chicken for lunch, to hell with the avian flu scare. I figured FDA will ban it altogether or something why go crazy out of fear? (hmmm gov't agency?) ok, live life to the fullest na lang ang ating excuse...

oh right, aside from these physiological signs of aging, the other reason that i feel older now is that my girl bestfriend, as in we became friends at the age of 5 (she) and 6 (moi), has just given birth last nov. 7 i heard. jeez, she's like a baby herself! and now she's a true-blue la femme! mudra na sya!!! don't get me wrong, i'm totally happy for her, and i'm going to be a ninang again. I've got a handful i tell you, i know i owe them a lot but i think i'm excused coz godparents, as far as i know are for spiritual guidance and all that stuff when parents could no longer perform such duty am i right? well, babies, they can't grasp so much at their tender age right? so i'll just talk to them and give them bible lessons when they could understand better...so going back, we are really getting old aren't we? our batch is on the marriage block now i hear. jeez, talk about evolution. ok, biology if you prefer. interesting, i should have paid more attention to sir capua (lol!) ok i give up, i'll have a shut-eye in case my eyebugs could somehow shrink by so-doing.

we're under the same moon (or so i thought?)

Tell me please...when you are considered guilty by sheer association, would you stop? When you are marked and placed inside a box, would you struggle to get out? When you are misunderstood and you simply don't want to explain, would you let it slide and give up? When it surely looks like you're up against all odds, would you take a bow and walk away? How do you know which battles are worth fighting for? When do you assert yourself? When do you go on?

I don't know about the rules. I'm never a conformist. I don't read books to the tune of "how tos" neither. But one mantra I remember learning and keeping in heart and mind as I go through life is that we are part of a world and whatever we do has consequence(s) for others. Not to recognize this is the supreme cruelty of all.

Sure we drifted. You can get mad all you want. You can define me all you want. Label me, call me names, be my guest. Were you listening to lisa loeb when you vent it all out? God, purfect: "You say, I only I only hear what I want to. I don't listen hard, I don't pay attention to the distance that you're running or to anyone, anywhere; I don't understand if you really care....." my apologies to Lisa.

Anyway, I am feeling so emo I can't stop myself from babbling/writing. If you really know me, which NOW I doubt you do, you should be able to grasp that [to me at least], being friends transcends boudaries and distance. You of all people should know where I'm coming from... And for the record, if "you [read: I] have the tendency of closing the world around you [me]" like you said, it's NOT because I am afraid but because I have your best interest at heart, believe me or not. Cold-blooded people are still people and as such they are capable of feeling and thinking too, if you must know.

[Big sigh]...You make me feel sad. You almost make me cry. But I can't control how you feel. I won't stop you from purging those unpalatable stuff from your system. I support healthy living :] We do what we got to do, so that's fine.

My theory is this: once you love someone, you can't unlove that person. Love indeed is such a strong word but depending on the intensity of your feelings, it can vary from caring to treasuring to valuing someone, is what I'm hinting at folks. So, once you've done the act of loving (just sticking to my first verb), you can't undo that ever. The person then occupies a space in your heart (or mind/whatever applies to you), and over time, that person's spot will be displaced, no let's say "covered by" new events and concerns that preoccupy you at the moment. But whenever you want to, go see. You could always dig in and not surprisingly, the memories of the person are still there. UNLESS, you went thru the operation that Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey's characters had in the movie "Eternal Snshine of the Spotless Mind." (I like that movie by the way). The concept may be brutal and harsh, no, it reeks "desperation" but might be possible in the future. But remember even after having all memories of each other erased from their cerebellum or gray matter whatever, despite the newly wiped out brains of our couple, they still find themselves drawn to each other? Ah the tragedy of loving. Hah! Let's not get romantic here, but go see the movie if you haven't and it sort of supports my theory.

So anyway, we're losing track, I have considered you my friend, is all I'm saying. Langya, I even discarded the rule, I didn't play the game you know, I just did what I felt like doing. If we're having a scoreboard, I guess I am the loser here cause I'm not supposed to cower. I was thinking we're mature people who can handle these bloody challenges. I mean, we had our share of fun and emo sessions and sisterly advices and funky dares blah blah blah. well...some things are beautiful because they are fleeting...But then again, it's not easy floating or going with the flow. It's like leaving the doors open and people just walk thru and leave you smudged and all that....

payback time

When i think about our childhood years, i can't help but be thankful to you for letting me live and all! God, remember how you'd shove my head in the salty water of aguada or paraiso beach? (geez, aren't we class? har! har!) Or how i would wake up with a bread knife on my throat and you laughing and telling me "ate i'll kill you?" and me responding "later coz i am still sleeping?" You did not even spare my innocent friend, rea, the very poised and model-like rea, whom you chased all the way to the cemetery; she, losing her flip-flops and begging you mercy? God, you really had some twisted idea of fun when you were little! Salbahe ka talaga. But i love you just the same...

Now we don't exactly want you to appear the bad guy here birthday boy, do we? ha! ha! Yeah, ok, so let me also share the most unforgettable childhood experience we had. to me, at least, was when we took a bath in the rain and then came the freaking roaring thunders and lightnings. We were locked out (what smart asses we were) and there was nobody home and we started feeling cold and just ended up praying "angel of God, my guardian dear..." in front of our doorstep and then our father came and saved our freezing bods. that's sweet, is what i'm saying...

I know you're going to get mad at me for revealing this juicy past of ours but let's just say it's payback time ulikba har! har!

Happy birthday with all my best wishes!

some consolation

For what is to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun
And what is to cease breathing but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then you shall truly dance.

--Kahlil Gibran --
"The Prophet"

miss na kita sobra....but i rest in the thought that you are totally free and at peace with God.