Red Hot Heart and Ice-Cold Feet

August 12, 2007

Dear Pards,

Unforgettable you! I do remember. Guess what, Sting fever is still running in my system after watching his concert and see what I found... Three years ago this wouldn't have meant anything to me. Strangely though, he perfectly articulated all the things that I've done:

What possible difference would throwing a handful of soil onto a coffin make to [him] or me? Part of me still believes this to be true, [but] part of me knows I was simply afraid. I escaped the ritual...for the simple fact that I didn't want to, because escape and the need to keep moving had by now become endemic in me....But there was a psychological price. I couldn't mourn properly so I carried the grief with me. I couldn't cry or reveal my feelings even to myself, fearful I would be overwhelmed, my carefully constructed self-image destroyed to reveal absolutely nothing beneath. {Sting, 2003 in Broken Music}

Of course, I still got no excuse. But intuitively, why do I feel that you share the veiled sarcasm and understand the irony here?

I do hope you are well...I miss you big time.

Love always,
Katrina

Yelp#1

Currently listening to Macy Gray's [On How Life Is, 1999]
On a self-imposed break

Fast Facts:
1. Barnes & Noble membership has expired.
2. Can't find the Borders membership card. Can't even remember the username and password. Coupons expiring.
3. No Strand around tsk, tsk...
4. Relatively successful in trying my hardest not to spend on paperbacks and cds, among others
5. Blue, my laptop, has become a host only to my music library and nothing else.

Recourse: I checked the library in my new neighborhood. And applied for a membership card.
Ambiance: actually not a place I want to linger at.
Demographics: no big deal
Service: granny's ok, very efficient but really slow, understandably; a wifi spot; bestsellers available for rent @25c a day (in case you don't want to wait I was told)
Selection: didn't check on the prints yet. But finding Sting's memoir, Broken Music, is definitely a good start. [Praytell, how can I stop loving him?]

So I was there for audio and dvds. But Houston we have a problem! I've seen almost all of the movies they have on DVD. Save of course for this self-help and exercise regimen stuff (nah thanks). I don't fancy horror flicks but they do have about 20 of those. Not much of indie films. But they got some foreign films I wanna check out. Oh and dig this, I borrowed Goodbye my Concubine and to my amusement, I had to pay a dollar? Apparently that's the policy. DVD = $1.00. I was like, might as well reactivate my Netflix account! Thank God CDs are free, but that doesn't make any difference cause I don't fancy their collection.

Ahhh....I miss the NYPL. Ok, I guess miss NYC more than I care to admit.

I was actually planning on going to the village/union square area last Sunday, eat at this Thai rest. I love, go back to Strand, the Virgin Music store and all that, but my slacker self gets the better of me. And.....frankly, it somehow throws me that I am becoming a number in the consumerist tab. Have I drifted too far out to go back? pffff!!!

Checklist/Wishlist

While still in concert spirit...

Among my all-time favorites, managed to see:
1. U2
2. Red Hot Chili Peppers
3. Sting and the Police.

It wasn't bad catching:
1. Lenny Kravitz (hotness!)
2. John MAyer

Even watched the oldies (hehe):

1. Earth, Wind and Fire

2. Chicago

3. Eagles

I wish Cobain, Mercury, Hendrix, & Marley didn't die so early. But with all-seriousness: I want to see RADIOHEAD !!! I'll be full by then, promise.

Okai, for some bonus attraction, it wouldn't hurt to see REM [what are the chances that they'd hook up again?]; Pearl Jam [they're not up to much recently, disbanded?]; Aerosmith [yup, that dude rocks albeit old age lol. We couldn't get tickets last year]; Morrisey [he recently performed at MSG daw but i freaking missed it. where was i? damn!]; Smashing Pumpkins [whatever happened to them? are they back on again or what?]; Audioslave [they released an album last year but didn't go on tour. what gives?]; Metallica [I haven't the faintest idea what they're up to nowadays]. And...Our Lady of Peace and Live [wala na rin ba sila?], The Strokes, The Bravery, The Killers, Deftones, DMB, Chapman, Norah Jones... ok i'll stop now.

Oh well, wishlist....And time is running out....I can't complain though. I am in fact thankful dahil dati, part din lang sila ng wishlist ko pero I got to see them yey!

Stung!

Saw The Police's Reunion Concert last Sunday at the Giants' Stadium. One of those last minute things...Thank God we made it =) yey!

Admittedly, I was there for Sting. But I was awed by Copeland. Thus far, I'd say he's the best drummer I've ever seen perform. No joke. I am not a musician but man alive! This guy is something....I dunno how they were on their other concerts. All I know is we got our money's worth that night in Jersey. The Police still rocks. Sting, Copeland and Summers still make good music and lively performance together after all these years. They all seemed to enjoy playing and I think they pretty much connected with the huge and cooperative crowd. Wonderful =)

I checked some reviews and it looks like the set list is consistent:

1. Message in a Bottle
2. Synchronicity II
3. Don’t Stand So Close to Me
4. Voices Inside My Head/When the World is Running Down
5. Spirits in the Invisible World
6. Driven to Tears
7. Walking on the Moon
8. Truth Hits Everybody
9. Every Little Thing She Does is Magic
10. Wrapped Around Your Finger (my fave of all)
11. The Bed’s Too Big Without You
12. De Do Do Do, De Da Da Da
13. Invisible Sun
14. Walking in Your Footsteps
15. Can’t Stand Losing You (hey, you with me????)
16. Roxanne

ENCORE 1
17. King of Pain (ahhhh...at this point I was just there breathless...)
18. So Lonely (could I love this song any more?)

ENCORE 2
19. Every Breath You Take
20. Next to You

The selection could have been better, but no more grand complaints. Oh yeah, no cams allowed. I could have slipped it, the girl just smiled at me and let me through. But how can I tell right? And he was right, the parking lot is way too far from the stadium's entrance. Too much of a hassle to take it back if I get searched. (I do obey rules sometimes hehe).

At the risk of sounding emo, I confess: the concert was wayyyyy tooooo personal for me. It's bloody bittersweet as I listen to Sting belt out those songs. With real poetic, meaningful and ironic lyrics. Been a huge fan. Remember humming the Dododo-dadada as a kid. And in college, knowing he was a teacher made me proud I was a BA English Major once (lol). Of course, he also started my fascination with englishmen =)

Was really struck. Seeing him perform live. Another one of few times that I genuinely appreciate being here. More so after realizing that last night was their last stint here in the US. We're stuck in the parking lot looking at the t-shirt he bought, with all the tour dates haha. And we were laughing like children for having made it. Yeah, it doesn't really take much to make me happy.

Ahhh... I'm stung all over again.

(Stay) Faraway, So Close

This is actually an offshoot of my friend's Debasement Tapes entry in her blog (dated July 7, 2007).

This is bizzare. Me talking about this stuff haha. Contrary to my long lost friend who claims I do not have a heart and that i'm an 'Ice Queen' (Hey, where are you now? you know who you are), I actually do have one. Okai, if you still doubt that, at least I have the patience for going through song lyrics.

Hmmm....here's what I think on heartaches:

It's useless exhausting yourself denying or fighting the pain. When you truly love, you open yourself to vulnerability so you are bound to get hurt. When the relationship ends, I guess you just need to bathe in the pain until you feel fully cleansed, rejuvenated and all that crap haha. Then it's time to dry yourself and go get dressed for another adventure...Hell yeah--keep the spirit! And if it gets fucked-up again, there will be new debasement songs to heal a broken heart/spirit haha.

So....debasement songs.....Offhand here are what I like:

1. Smoke and Ashes {Tracy Chapman}

I was blinded by devotion, my unwavering love for you. So blinded that I thought all your lies were true. But now I know for certain since you've gone away, it was just a smoldering fire I mistook for a blaze...only smoke and ashes baby.

2. Last Goodbye {Jeff Buckley}

This is our last goodbye, I hate to feel the love between us die. But it's over...Why can't we overcome this wall? Well, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all...Kiss me, please kiss me. But kiss me out of desire, babe, and not consolation...

{Can't get enough of Buckley...I love his Lover you should've come over}

3. You're So Cruel {U2}

We crossed the line, who pushed who over? It doesn't matter to you. It matters to me. We're cut adrift but still floating. I'm only hanging on to watch you go down...My love, I disappeared in you, you disappeared from me. I gave you everything you ever wanted. It wasn't what you wanted...You say in love there are no rules...love...sweetheart...You're so cruel...

4. Fake Plastic Trees {Radiohead}

She looks like the real thing. She tastes like the real thing. My Fake Plastic Love. But I can't help the feeling...And it wears me out, it wears me out...And if I could be who you wanted...If I could be who you wanted, all the time...

5. Comeback (Pearl Jam)

And these days they linger on...And in the night i've been waiting for the real possibility that I may meet you in my dreams so I go to sleep...

6. Strip My Mind {Red Hot Chili Peppers}

Sing another song. Make me feel like I'm in love again - hey (You gotta lose to win)...Please don't strip my mind. Leave something behind. Please don't strip my mind...

7. Barely Breathing {Duncan Sheik}

I am barely breathing and I can’t find the air. I don’t know who I’m kidding, imagining you care. And I could stand here waiting a fool for another day. I don't suppose it's worth the price I have to pay. But I'm thinking it over anyway...I rise above or sink below, with every time you come and go. Please don’t come and go...

I could go on and on...but these are all for now. Ciao!

another one bites the dust

This time it's Alva, a childhood friend who migrated to the US when we're 7. Thanks to modern technology and real bonding, we remain friends thru the years. So, I am honored to accept her invitation to be her bridesmaid.

Quick Review: There were 6 of us who were constantly playmates back then.

1. Jerome (the eldest). I just saw on his friendster profile that he is happily in love. We can assume he'd go next.
2. Mayang (second to the eldest). She's happily married and has a cutie baby now. When did you get married bru?
3. Nerry May (middle tropa). She just got hitched on 5/5/07 with Joni.
4. Alva (next in line) who actually did on 7/7/7
5. Jerlie (second to the youngest). I think she's the first to get married a couple of years back and
6. IJ, yours truly (the youngest lol). Well, the waiting continues.........

And it occured to me that...

1. Save for Glen, whom I just met last week understandably, I never actually got to meet any of your significant others people. Not even Joni whom Mimi dated for years, nor Reggie of Mayang. What a shame! Where were we?

2. It's no joke walking down the aisle. Sheezzzz...I felt really suffocated inside the church while walking and keeping this "fake smile" as they all watched me (or so it seemed).

3. I never really had any thoughts on weddings. In particular, on how it's gonna be per se, until I attended Alva and Glen's. Since I missed out a lot of weddings, of those closest to me, hers sort of made up for everything. So seeing it firsthand, man alive! I was overwhelmed. I actually got scared hahaha. I guess I'm not cut for weddings...But if I ever get to that point, it's clear to me now that I want an outdoor one, and preferably ultra private. I don't like too many people around (hint: few invites hahaha).

4. As an offshoot, I think it's really impractical to spend so much on a one-day-affair. Might as well spend it on travelling with your hubby. Oh well, to each his own.

5. Lastly, I really can't imagine changing my name. Ughh..what if I don't meet someone with the same family name as mine? Tough call eh? LOL

Favorite persons:

First, let me tell you about Tito Jun, the make up artist. For some reason he was so fond of me and really pampered me as he was doing my make up. Yeah, he's gay. And he goes, "oy hija, i'll do your make up when you get married ha? I'll fly to NY." Hmmmm...I said, "Let's both hope you are still in business by then."

Two, Edward my toy soldier. Jeezzz....we used to play holen (marbles) and lastiko (rubberband) back then. He hardly remembers me now. We lost touch. I was so many years his senior anyway, you don't expect us to really touch base. And then we met again. I was surprised to learn that the kid joined the army at 18 and he actually served in Iraq and Afghanistan for 2 damn years. He's just 22! Can we please stop the war? (espc. that his folks want to make me their daughter-in-law?) LOL.

Major blooper: I kept calling the guy who was introduced to me "Wilson". His name is Michael. Sounds the same eh?

Celebrity sightings: Mike Tyson. Of all people I'd see in Hollywood.

All in all it was so much fun. I'm a good guest =)

Chicken Shit?

35 Facts About Yourself. Be honest no matter what.

1. What is your natural hair color? = DARK BROWN

2. Where was your profile picture taken? = ORLANDO AIRPORT, FLORIDA

3. What's your middle name? = MARCUS

4. Your current relationship status? = SO-SO haha. AMBIGUOUS.

5. Does your crush like you back? = YOU MEAN RICO BLANCO? HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW I EXIST. WITH THE OTHER ONE? I DON'T KNOW. NEVER HAD THE CHANCE TO FIND OUT.

6. What is your current mood? = HAZY?

7. Ever joined clubs or organizations just to be at least 80%visible to your crush? = NAHHH THANKS.

8. What makes you happy? = RIGHT NOW? DRIVING NOWHERE & FINDING MY WAY BACK. AND KNOWING THAT MY FAMILY IS OK.

9. If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be? = I'D GIVE HIM A LONGER LIFE. TRADE MINE IF NECESSARY.

10. If you must be an animal for one day, what would you be? = AN EAGLE OR A PENGUIN

11. Ever had a near death experience? = LET'S JUST SAY I'D BEEN CATATONIC FOR ABOUT A COUPLE OF YEARS. LIKE BEING 4 FEET UNDER.

12. Something you do a lot? = SLEEP

13. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now? = LAST GOODBYE BY JEFF BUCKLEY

14. Who did you copy and paste this from? MARICEL

15. Name someone with the same birthday as you. = MIRO VALERA OF STONEFREE (MY COLLEGE ROOMMATE'S HUGE CRUSH BACK THEN)

16. When was the last time you cried? = AUGUST 2004

17. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience? = NOT THAT I RECALL

18. If you could have one superpower what would it be? = BE ABLE TO APPARATE

19. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? = NORMALLY HEIGHT AND OVERALL BEARING

20. What do you usually order from starbucks? = CAFE AMERICANO

21. What's your biggest secret? = I DON'T LIKE TO SAY

22. Favorite color? = BLACK & WHITE

23. When was the last time you lied? = HMMM...DOES KEEPING MY MOUTH SHUT BECAUSE I WAS ASKED NOT TO SAY A WORD COUNT? IF SO, THEN LAST MONTH.

24. What are you eating or drinking at the moment? = SMIRNOFF ICE & POTATO CHIPS

25. Do you speak any other languages? = NOPE BUT I WISH

26. What's your favorite smell? = THE BEACH; JUST CAME OUT OF THE SHOWER SMELL; AND RIGHT NOW I REALLY LIKE RALPH LAUREN STYLE

27. If you could describe your life in one word what would it be? = TWISTED

28. When was the last time you gave/received a hug? = LAST NIGHT

29. Have you ever been kissed in the rain? = I DON'T THINK SO.

30. What are you thinking about right now? = HMMM...HOW LONG DO YOU DRIFT UNTIL YOU CALL IT QUITS?

31. What should you be doing? = GET SOME DISCIPLINE.

32. What was the last thing that made you upset/angry? = SOME INACTION SOMEWHERE

33. Do you like working in the yard? = GARDEN, YES.

34. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want? = NONE. I LOVE MY LAST NAME. I'D LIKE TO KEEP IT EVEN AFTER MARRIAGE (IF I'LL EVER GET TO THAT POINT LOL).
35. Do you act differently around your crush? = OH YEAH, I'M YOUR TYPICAL DORK.